No, I’m not busy. I just didn’t want to talk.
Yep, it’s just that simple. I didn’t miss your call because I was cooking or cleaning. I didn’t miss your call because I was wrapped up in work or doing something adventurous. I simply missed your call because I didn’t care to answer it. I didn’t care to speak with you or anyone else at the moment. I’m done giving excuses to appease the next person. Please believe that this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me. But I don’t always feel like talking. I don’t always have the energy that it takes to talk to people. I don’t always feel like being around people or engaging with anyone.
With age and having no true obligations, I realized I don’t really have to do anything I don’t want to do. After work and doing the mandatory things to pay the bills, I began doing things that makes me feel happy. Things that make me feel beautiful. Feel whole. Feel at peace. Just doing things that I enjoy.
I realized I don’t really enjoy having meaningless conversations with people all day.
Now I’m not saying I don’t ever talk to people, because that would be a lie. Certain people bring light to my life through intellectual and trivial conversations. I have relationships with deep thinkers who engage my spirit and mind. I also have relationships with comedic people who will have me laughing till tears fall from my eyes. I love and value those relationships. I really do, but even they know that I may not answer all the time, but I’ll always come back when the time is right. For me.
Put that phone in do not disturb mode and focus on you.
For a long time, I felt obligated to answer for everyone that calls my phone. I felt obligated to share my time and energy with my peers, even when I didn’t feel like it. I didn’t really want to ignore people or tell people no because I hated being told no. Now, it doesn’t bother me at all.
I rarely ask for anyone else’s time, because I enjoy time with myself so much more. Some people say it’s weird and I just shrug my shoulders and say oh well. There was a time when I actually cared about being alone and doing things alone. I thought it was something wrong with me that I didn’t care to socialize with people and break out of my own little zone. After awhile I just stopped caring. I just realized that I liked my alone time. & I won’t apologize for being this way. If you’re a loner like me you’d understand this.
I don’t mind going out to eat alone.
I love finding a nice quiet cafe with cool chill space, to read and write alone.
I enjoy going to the park and finding a nice tree to sit under, while I read a book or people watch.
I love going to the first movie showing on saturday mornings, cause most people are still in the bed sleep and I have the theatre to myself! I laugh as loud as I want and talk aloud and nobody cares!
I love canceled plans and dates, especially when you cancel them so I won’t have to pretend to feel bad.
I sometimes pull disappearing acts, that never last longer than a couple days. I will reappear.
I’m more prone to answering a text message, than a phone call. Cause I can answer that at my discretion.
I love fading to the background, so that I can people watch by my lonesome.
I’m at peace watching the sky for long periods of time.
I’m at peace sitting at the lake alone, while snapping countless pictures on my phone that are identical to the ones I took last week.
People confuse being a loner with being lonely. In most cases, we have a good amount of friends and our love lives are just fine. Not only do I have friends, I have siblings and about 30 first cousins that will answer if I decided to call. I’m far from lonely, but I just love and value my alone time. When I feel like coming out of my shell and interacting with others, I don’t have anxiety and find a reason not to go. To be honest, I love time with my loved ones. Holiday gatherings and all of that jazz. Just when I want to do it.
Being a loner doesn’t mean you’re lonely. We just value our alone time. So carry on with your misconceptions and do not disturb this loner.
As always stay royal Queens & Kings,