Where your real friends at?

It took me way too long to realize that you shouldn’t stay friends with people who never ask how you’re doing.

Check on your strong friend!

I see this meme and comment all over social media and I’m wondering do you people ever really check on their strong friends. I’m what they consider the strong friend.

I’m the friend that you come and dump all your problems, negative thoughts, and heavy stories on. Now, I don’t mind lending a ear for a friend in need, but my best friend posed a great question to me the other day.

“What do you do after people dump their problems on you? How do you get rid of that energy that is transferred after all of these negative conversations?”

Of course, my answers are always to write, meditate, and all of the other things that I’ve spoken about previously. But sometimes stuff just sticks to you like glue. Some of the stories although, may be a relief for you, sticks with me as I carry on my day. I begin thinking of ways that I could assist you if possible; things I could say to give you a little light in the darkness. Sometimes all someone needs is to know that you’re there for them, if ever they need something.

But when you finish dumping all of that on to my conscience and I do what I can to lift your spirits. The conversation is over and I’m stuck thinking about not only your issues, but my own. You never stopped to ask me, about me. You never stopped to ask how I’m doing. How my life is going? How is my family? Or even to wish me well. You just dump your negative energy on my zen and move along.

What about your strong friend?

She has issues too. Although, she isn’t as vocal about personal matters, she may be hurting too. She is built tough like Ford, but when she’s alone, she’s not. Just because your strong friend may have sound advice and she seems like she has it all figured out. She doesn’t. Your problems, may differ from hers, but she may be going through something just like you are.

Sometimes we don’t want to be the strong friend, because we at times we aren’t feeling our strongest.

Sometimes we don’t want to be your motivation, because we need motivation ourselves.

Sometimes we don’t have the words to uplift you, because we are already feeling low.

Sometimes your strong friend is weak and are looking for you to be that strong friend, when she needs it most.

Sometimes the strong friend has to end conversations, because they can’t bare to take any more of your negativity.

I think the strong friend gets so caught up in being strong for everyone else that they tend to forgot to take care of themselves. So it’s ok to end conversations when they become too much. It’s ok to ignore calls every now and then, and return calls when you’re feeling up to it. Put that phone in do not disturb mode and focus on you for a change strong friend. It’s okay to need that time to yourself.

Remember that friendships are two sided and they have to be in order for them to work effectively. Reciprocity is important in all friendships. Evaluate your friendships and make sure they are worth having. If not, drop that dead weight and move along to better friendships. Good friendships are hard to come by these days, so cherish your good friends.




Thanks for reading and as always, stay royal Queens & Kings.

Queen Jas


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    1. Love this! I definitely had to remind myself to check up on my strong friends because they aren’t valued the way that they should be. We all need a heart and reality check at some point and this article was definitely one of those. Thank you for that.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Awesome! We definitely have to practice reciprocity more as a culture. People don’t realize how draining they are. I thank God for all my good friends 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Put that phone in do not disturb mode and focus on you — Oooh my this is theeee best lesson I’ve learned in my life!! I love this! I literally have ALL the notifications OFF on my apps and I visit messages AS I’M READY!!! It was supposed to be temporary, but I’m leaning towards making it a way of life. I feel soooo much better!

    Thanks for sharing and starting this much needed conversation! #StrongFriendsNeedLoveToo

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It’s definitely my way of life. It started as temporary for me as well, but now my phone never comes off of do not disturb. My favorites are allowed to get through which includes parents and siblings and my bestie, but the rest can wait. I will get back to you on my time. lol We have to protect our time and our energy. It’s so important. It took me awhile to realize it, but once I did, I’ve been at peace since.

    Thanks for reading girl!


  4. Queen Jasmine,

    What a great topic! We are living in age were it’s all about “me, me, me,” that if you allow someone to just talk about themselves they will most definitely do it. We are forgetting that a friendship goes both ways and communication consists of being a good listener as well. Yes, it gives the strong friend some satisfaction that her friends come to them for support. But, it is selfish to think that they don’t experience down days as well. My mom always says “that if you look to the right and left of you there is always someone in a worse situation.” I keep that in mind when I am speaking with someone about my bad day so I may always consider there day and how they are doing? Not to say that they had a worse day than me but to care enough to ask and to be there if in fact they did not have a good day. Keep speaking on the things that matter in this day and age. We love you and cannot wait until the next post!

    Keep shining Queen!❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you bestfriend, I love you and you know you’re my bessssssttttttest friend in the whole wide world. The definition of Great, amazing, more than I can ask for friend. & your mom is a smart woman, such a real quote.


  5. Oh my gosh!

    Such an awesome read! I am grateful you sent this to me. I definitely needed to read this. Honestly, I just had to have a heart to heart with my aunt to realize… I don’t have any “real friends” like I thought I did. Why do we think it’s just a good idea people to keep people at bay instead of ending those chapters? What’s the point in holding on? I’m learning to completely let go and move on, take my sunshine elsewhere. It hurts quite a lot to be that strong friend. Sometimes, we love to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and never question, “Maybe they are using me for my time, space, and energy?”. Why? I have no clue. I’m on a quest to do not disturb land to find out. Subscribed!

    Queen Jazze, Don’t let that lovely energy go to waste!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sometimes we keep them there because at one point they were good friends, so we are still seeing the good in them. No need to hold on to dead weight. Let him go and continue flourish elsewhere. Even if you don’t have good friends, you will always have a good cousin in me girl! Love you and thanks for reading.


  6. Yaaaaaasssssss! This was the perfect read. Many of us definitely have selfish moments and some times it’s hard to see but being able to pay attention and notice it, takes growth. Communication is key in every relationship. Listening is the key to a healthy relationship. Listening is definitely spoken and unspoken. Body language and change tells you more. Check ins go along way….. You so dope, in so many ways!

    Liked by 1 person

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